The World According To Colin Creevey Issue Seven, Volume 1.
We all know Lavender Brown right? The cutesy perpetually cheerful sixth year with the Mousy Brown hair and impossibly huge collection of animal themed stationary?
We all love lavender; we all assumed that Lavender is without a doubt the nicest girl in Gryffindor.
She's kind to all creatures' great and small, perhaps a little to kind if you catch my drift.
For deep down underneath that sunny exterior there lays A SHAMEFULL SECRET, a secret that wills ROCK YOU TO THE CORE.
Lavender Brown is a FURRY.
Now I myself didn't know what a furry was until she told me she wanted to be one, then out of curiosity I decided to look them up on the internet.
Much to my horror I discovered that furies are some sort of weird animal/human hybrid that usually look like porn stars.
They are in fact FICTIONAL animals that have HUMAN TRAITS.
Furies can also be seen as fans of fictional animals THAT act like people.
Now at first I thought this was pretty sweet and innocent, I mean technically Simba and Nala in the Lion king sing Elton John songs which are some definite human traits.
I was about to write it all of as an obsession for Disney movies, but then much to my horror I discovered the darker side of FURRY FANDOM.
For you see some furries don't stop at watching these films they in fact gain SEXUAL PLEASURE through this human looking fictional animals.
They draw pornographic pictures of really weird dog women who happen to have giant breasts.
Some furry fans create fictional alter egos that they use in perverted role playing games.
Some in fact wear ANIMAL costumes while engaging in SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
These pornographic elements are referred to as YIFF or SPOOGE.
In some extreme cases furies engage in SEXUAL intercourse with their stuffed toys!!
Now at first I couldn't believe Lavender would be involved in such a thing until I decided to interview her for this article.
Interview transcript. (Conducted on instant messenger)
Lavender: Hi, Colin!!! ^_^
Lavender: Have you posted on your journal yet?
Colin: nooooo I only knew it was fixed!!!
Colin: I'm trying to write a story for my journalism thing and I wanted to interview you to get the facts!!!
Colin: Ok... oh god how do I put this, you said once you wanted to be a furry.. Is this true?
Lavender: Wow, I've never been interviewed before ^^"
Lavender: Sure! Oh, I'd love to be one. They're so cute and... And fuzzy! =^.^=
Lavender: Who wouldn't want to be a furry???
Colin: Oh.. um
Colin: Soooo do you derive pleasure from the thought of being a well furry?
Lavender: It makes me so very happy! Doesn't it just warm your knickers, Colin??? (:
Lavender: To spend my days frolicking about, with no worries!
Lavender: Or stupid papers to write for class *miff*
Colin: So that explains um the outfit you were wearing the other day, do you often dress like that>???
Lavender: My outfit???
Lavender: Oh! Did you see me in my bunny suit?
Lavender: That is one of my favourites!!!
Lavender: I just love fuzzy bunnies <3
Colin: Yes I saw you in that um suit when I was visiting Ginny
Lavender: They're just smashing, don't you think?
Colin: WELL ER that's not what I'd call it!!!!!!
Colin: so do you wear these bunny suits to make yourself feel good???
Lavender: Oh for sure! It's so nice and soft, just like a real bunny.
Lavender: Don't you like to pet bunnies, Colin?
Lavender: Aren't they nice and squishy?
Colin: um... not really
Colin: I like dogs more to tell you the truth; we have a fox terrier at home
Lavender: Oh, but dogs are nice, too!
Colin: So um how about stuffed animals... would you call yourself a plushie???
Lavender: The way they roll around... and get dirty!!!
Lavender: You know I'd have to think about that, Colin, gimme a second, will you??
Colin: um yeah sure
Colin: how about I ask some one else; do you believe you have some sort of animal spirit in you?
Lavender: I don't know about a particular animal spirit, Colin... I think I connect pretty well with all animals, from the proudest hippogriff to the cuddliest fox
Lavender: I don't know if I could be considered a plushie??? But I think they're awfully nice to squeeze!
Lavender: How about you?
Colin: Well Lavender I'm a bit old for soft toys
Lavender: Oh... I guess when you grow up; it's just hard toys, huh?
Lavender: Like... robots?
Lavender: Do boys like robots?
Colin: Not exactly, I'm more of a big boy toy fan lavender
Colin: in fact NO I don't play with any toys at all!!!
Colin: AND I DONT OWN DOLLS no matter WHAT people might tell you!!!
Lavender: Oh... okay, then Colin
Lavender: I really recommend them though!
Lavender: They are great stress relievers!!!
Colin: Don't you think that some people might see your err... lifestyle as a bit unconventional???
Colin: or sick????
Lavender: I'm... confused. o.O
Colin: Well isn't it a bit weird to love animals in that way???
Lavender: I just live a normal happy lifestyle
Lavender: I mean, just because I love animals so much that I'd give up meat!
Lavender: Doesn't mean that I'm not healthy, Colin!!!
Lavender: I reSPECT animals
Lavender: They are cute
Lavender: And loveable
Lavender: And huggable, okay?
Colin: I think I just choked
Colin: I have no idea what to think right now
Colin: LAVENDER YOU NEED HELP
Lavender: Are you okay, Colin?
Lavender: What's wrong?
Colin: because it's wrong to love animals like that!!!! You need to relate to
Colin: REAL PEOPLE that way
Colin: NOT TO ANIMALS
Lavender: I think you need to sit in on a SPECT meeting and learn what it really is to love an animal!
Colin: OH GOD NO
Lavender: You don't care about anything but Ginger >:o
Lavender: Animals have feelings, too, okay!
Colin: THAT IS NOT IT AT ALL
Colin: AND I DO CARE ABOUT ANIMALS
Lavender: And those feelings can get hurt.
Colin: which is why I'm trying to help you!!!!
Lavender: That's why you have to show them as much love as possible!
Colin: you need to wake up and see reality lavender you cant do this to poor innocent creaturees!!!
Lavender: Colin, we need to band together so the world will stop disrespecting animals!
Lavender: Those poor creatures need us, Colin!!!
Lavender: They can't be left alone.
Lavender: There are many mean people out there, just waiting to do bad things to them.
Lavender: We need to get to the animals before those people!!!
Colin: But there is a right way of doing things lavender!!! And being a fury is NOT the right way
Lavender: Furries are the best thing in the world, a lot better than people who yell like you Colin ):
Colin: I AM NOT YELLING I AM MEERLY SHOCKED AND APPALLED
Colin: I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SANE GOOD PERSON LAVENDER BROWN
Lavender: Colin, stop being like Harry~!
Lavender: Please don't tell me you're going to eat babies or burn bunnies now???
Colin: OK Ginger spice would not be happy with me if I got angry with you
Lavender: Calm down, Colin!
Lavender: Chant my mantra with me
Colin: your a lost soul in need of help and guidance, I need to count to ten
Colin: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 20
Lavender: Just say that to yourself over and over and you'll feel better, I swear!
Lavender: fuzzybunnies fuzzybunnies fuzzybunnies
Lavender: fuzzy bunnies
Lavender: Say with me now, Colin!
Lavender: Can you feel it???
Colin: oh god
Lavender: Fuzzy Bunnies!
Colin: I refuse to give into your metaphors
Colin: THATS IT I'M GOING good bye lavender!!!
Colin: * end of interview*
Lavender: ...Fuzzy bunnies?
End of interview.
Although at first I was horrified by Lavender's sexual tastes I soon realised she was a girl crying for help, obviously she is so desperate for love and support she finds herself turning towards inanimate objects, or well fictional make believe animals.
Ginger Spice has taught me the lesson of compassion and its my belief we need to help her before it's far, far too late.
She needs her friends to support he during this difficult phase, and to keep her away from all her stuffed animals.
Ms Brown in her fur suit. Current Mood: shocked and appalled!!!